Current mood:	sore
Current music:	Rob Zombie - Numb

I feel so good, I feel so numb, yeah...
Insight is a splendid thing. Splendid. Stupid ghey word.

So here I sit, weighing up my life. Am I good enough? Have I done enough? Does any of this really matter?

I don't know. Despair floats at the edge of consciousness. Just have to get through the next week and a half. Is this really what it comes down to?

I do not understand where I fit. How I fit, into this world. What is my purpose?

"Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kind of funny
And I find it kind of sad
That the dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had".

Tears for Fears - Mad World

Is this really me? This shell with no emotions, unexplained bruises, collapsed veins and shaky hands? Is this a man to be respected? A son to be proud of? A husband worth caring about? Do I make a difference? If I was not here, would the world be a different place? Does any one person really matter in the grand scheme of things? Why does it matter if I care? Why does anything I do matter? So this is me... justifying my actions with unaccountability. And when I do surrender, it is only to the high.

No respect here.